MLTD - My Little Tank Drivers
by BaronVonBadGrammar
Summary: Two mercenaries are called upon by the government to help with a test they are running, the test goes... Not as planned and now the two of them have to adjust to living in a world very different to their own. This is just a mess around story. This is all for fun and enjoyment. (Canceled)
1. Chapter 1

"Any new information for me?" A tall man in a US army generals outfit asks.

A short, skinny man in a lab coat sighs as he rubs his head. "I've got nothing. We've been watching it and documenting all changes involving the portal and everything around it. Nothing, nothing at all."

"We're running out of options and time, I need you to step up your research." The tall man explains.

"... I have... One idea..." The short man mumbles.

"Tell me what you need and I'll get it for you." The tall man replies.

A tall, fat, bearded man in an odd outfit, the bottom half of a snow toned ghillie suit and a plain white shirt cover his body as he sits on the ground with his back to a grey brick wall. He turns towards a skinnier and shorter man who's wearing a world war 2 US army tank crew uniform and helmet.

"Anything on the radios?" The large bearded man asks.

"Yours is beeping, you might want to answer it." The skinnier man answers.

"That would be a good idea." The large man chuckles as she stands up and walks over to the beeping radio on a table next to the skinnier man.

The large man pushes a button on his radio, answering the call. The radio let's out a crackle.

"Chav? Are you there?" The radio crackles out.

"General? Wha' do ya need now?" The tall man named Chav asks in a british accent.

"We need you to head into a portal for us." The radio answers.

"Why would I do tha'?" Chav asks.

"Because we need you and we have money, I know which one you care about." The radio replies.

"You go' me, I do love money. 'ow much are we talkin'?" Chav asks.

"2 million dollars, I can't go higher." The radio answers with a crackle.

"50/50 split and I'll come along." The skinnier man says as he steps over to the radio.

"I guess that's fair, looks like you'll ge' 2 for the price of 1 there General." Chav chuckles.

"I'll give you the location, get here as soon as possible." The general says as the the sound of papers being moved can be heard through the radio. "22 54'25.1 N, 24 59'39.9 E." The general reads into the radio.

Chav grabs a pen and writes down the coordinates.

"We'll be there by tomorrow, we're no' far away." Chav says as he disconnects the radio. "Ge' ready ta head out, you have 20 minutes before we go."

The skinnier man nods his head and rushes into the next room, Chav follows shortly after. The two men step into the room and are greeted by the tools of their trade. A T110E5 heavy tank, painted to have a shark paintjob on it with the words 'Star' written on the side. Next to it stands 'Megalodon', a large mutant tank, the hull of a Maus with the turret and gun of an FV4005 Stage II, painted with a pale blue turret and a white hull.

"I'd ha'e ta be whatever's on the other side of the portal." Chav jokes.

"Yeah, whatever's on the other side is gonna get the suprise of a lifetime." The skinnier man chuckles.

"Yo Star, did you fill your ammo racks?" Chav asks.

"Yeah, I got all of the shells in and she's all fueled up. I'm ready to head out when you are." The skinnier man answers.

"Then let's get going." Chav says as he climbs up the hull of 'Megalodon'.

Star then turns towards his T110E5 and climbs onto it's hull. Chav nods at Star before climbing into 'Megalodons' turret. Star then climbs into his tank and starts the engine.

"This is gonna be one hell of a mission." Star mumbles to himself. 


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm here and ready for beer." Chav says as he climbs out of the turret of 'Megalodon'.

"There's no beer and you know for a fact that, that saying sucks so stop trying to push it." Star sighs as he climbs out of the turret of his T110E5.

"Yeah well you stink. Now tha' is something I know for a fact sucks coz I gotta be near you." Chav smirks as he drops to the hull of his tank.

Star sighs and jumps to the ground. "I'd rather stink then be a scrub like you."

Chav then drops off of his tank and to the ground. "I'm not just a scrub you fucking loser, I'm a god damn perver' and a fa'ass. Never forge' tha' unless you wan' me ta draw a dick on tha' picture of Curie you have." Chav threatens with a smile.

"Do that and I'll rip up your 'sexy' deathclaw calendar that you have hung up next to your ammo racks." Star threatens back.

"Eh, I can just buy another one. Anyway, we have a por'al ta enter so we can ge' our money." Chav says as he approaches a large beige tent.

Star shrugs his shoulders before following Chav to the tent.

"General?" Chav asks as he steps into the tent.

"Ah, you're finally here, good. We know nothing about the portal so that's why you're going in. Our scientists ran out of things to try, we did everything. The last thing we have to do is to try and send someone through to try and give us some insight as to what's on the otherside." The general explains.

"So you wan' us ta go through a por'al you know nothing abou' and risk everything jus' so you can know what's on the otherside?" Chav asks.

"Yes, that's the simple version of it." The general answers.

"Money's, money. You ready to head through Star?" Chav asks.

"Do we atleast get some supplies? Food? Water?" Star asks.

"If you wanna be a pussy then we can ge' some supplies." Chav groans.

"Yes, I would like to not starve wherever we're going." Star sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

"We can give you enough supplies to last 2 weeks in there." The general answers.

"Alrigh' ya go' us for as long as ya need us." Chav says with a smile.

Star looks back at his tank and mumbles something under his breath.

"Now that you boys are loaded up and ready to go we'll let you guys get on with it." The general says as he steps away from the 2 tank drivers and towards the viewing station.

"Let's ge' this shi' on the road!" Chav shouts excitedly.

Chav then turns 'Megalodon's' engine on and drives into the portal. Star smirks and quickly follows Chav into the portal.

On the other end of the portal sits a large orchard filled with apple trees.

"The fuck? Are we back on earth or something?" Chav asks Star over the radio.

"I have no idea, this place looks a bit like earth, just a bit more... Pastel." Star answers, confused about where they are.

"Wha'ever, let's jus' ge' to tha' farm and see if we can find something that'll tell us where we are." Chav says, the radio giving off a crackel as he speaks.

"Not a bad idea, I'll let you go first. You've got all that armor, might as well go first in case we need it." Star points out.

"Yeah, yeah. I ge' it, I take the shots while you play peekaboo with ya gun." Chav chuckles.

Megalodon slowly trundles towards the farm with Star following closely behind. As they approach the farm they see a bunch of colourful horses pulling carts around.

"Shi' dude, those horses are a bi' odd looking aren' they?" Chav asks.

"Yeah, I've never seen a red horse before." Star mumbles.

"Is i' legal to pain' horses?" Chav asks.

"Like I'm going to know the answer to that you idiot." Star groans.

"Nothing wrong with just asking." Chav laughs.

As they get closer and closer to the farm the horses start to freak out and run around the farm wildly.

"These horses are pre'y loose for being workin' horses." Chav points out.

"Yeah, I haven't really spent much time on a farm or anything but these horses look they don't even have a fence to keep them in." Star says as he points his turret towards the front of the farmhouse.

"That one has a lasso in i's mouth, tha' ain' normal." Chav says as a yellow horse runs at him with a lasso in it's mouth and a stetson hat on it's head.

"This place is getting weirder and weirder." Star mumbles.

"Should I open fire?" Chav asks.

"Give 'em a warning shot. The ground in front of you should be good enough." Star says.

Chav aims the gun into the ground 12 feet in front of him. He then fires the gun, the shell hits the ground and causes a large explosion, sending dirt flying. A 9ft deep dirt hole sits in front of 'Megalodon'. The hole spans from the centre of the blast to the edge of the front of 'Megalodon' and the same distance in the other direction.

The yellow horse ahead slips and slides on the ground as it tries to run away.

"At least it won't be in our way anymore." Chav chuckles.

"Shut up and continue driving, your slow ass tank is gonna make this take much longer then it needs to." Star sighs.

'Megalodon' crawls across the deep hole in the ground and towards the farm house. Star follows behind, the two tanks engines roaring as they cross the hole.

A few seconds later a bright flash blinds them and they come to a stop, in front of 'Megalodon' stands a white horse with a horn and a pair of wings, it's mane a mixture of colours drome a pale blue to a light green and even a pink. The horse looks angrily and 'Megalodon' and it's horn starts to glow.

"Dude, I know now for a fact tha' we are no' on earth anymore." Chav mumbles into the radio.

"Is that a magic horse?!" Star shouts.

The horses horn then shoots out a large yellow beam that hits the hull of 'Megalodon' only to bounce off and into the sky. The horse then looks at 'Megalodon' in surprise, it's eyes wide and it's mouth hanging open. Chav then opens the hatch on 'Megalodons' turret and laughs.

"You actually though' you could pen 'Megalodon'? Are you fucking crazy?!" Chav shouts, laughing at the horse in front of his tank.

The horse then looks up at Chav with a face of pure awe and surprise.

"You can talk?" The horse asks.

"Wai', wha'?" Chav's face turns to one of surpise.

"I don't know if that portal made us high or something but that horse just talked." Star mumbles.

"I hope ta god we're high." Chav gulps. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Urm... We come in peace?" Star nervously smiles.

The white horse shakes her head and then clears her throat.

"If you came in peace you wouldn't do... Whatever you did to one of my ponies." The white horse says as she glares at Chav.

"I' was running a' Megalodon, i' looked like i' was going ta attack so I fired a warning sho'." Chav replies with a glare of his own.

"Listen, can we not just sit down and talk this out? We're here to see what was on the other end of that portal." Star explains as he points to the portal behind him.

"What portal? I don't see one." The white horse replies as she leans to the side to look past the tanks.

Star and Chav then both immediately turn around to check the portal, only to see that it's not there anymore.

"Oh fuck..." Star mumbles as his eyes widen.

"No' gonna lie, I kinda expected something like this." Chav groans as he scratches the back of his hooded head.

"Okay, there's no point getting upset. That would only make the situation worse." Star mumbles to himself in an attempt to calm himself down.

"You have fun up there, I'm gonna go have lunch with wha's her face." Chav says as he and the white horse walk towards the farmhouse.

"Wait, what? How are you so calm? How can you go and have lunch with something from another universe or whatever?" Star asks dumbfounded.

"I'm fat and ugly Star, an oppurtunity arises and I'm gonna take it." Chav replies nonchalantly.

"Hmm?" The white horse hums.

"Don' worry abou' i', where you wanna go ta discuss ma'ers?" Chav asks the white horse.

"First you should apologise to AppleJack for the damage you did to her orchard and the terrible scare you gave her." The white horse points out.

"AppleJack? Was tha' the horse I sho' a' a minute or so ago?" Chav asks.

"Yes, it would be best to apologise to her and try to get on her good side, especially after the giant hole you left in the ground." The white horse explains.

As Chav goes to stand next to the white horse both him and Star notice the size difference. The white horses head is lined up with Chav's chest. Chav standing at 6'1 made him tall to begin with but next to the white horse he looked even taller.

"Yo Star, shor'er then me." Chav says with a smile and a thumbs up.

"I don't mean to offend but I need to ask, what accent is that mister 'Chav'?" The white horse asks.

"Bri'ish, I speak like a spastic because tha's how we speak in bri'ain." Chav explains.

"A 'spas'ic'? What's that?" The white horse asks.

"He means 'spastic', he's british so he missed out the T." Star sighs as he catches up to Chav and the horse.

"'Spastic'? What's one of those?" The white horse asks.

"An offensive word used to describe the disabled." Star explains.

"How can you say such a word? Mister Chav you are one rude person." The white horse says with a glare.

"I'm disabled so it's cool." Chav waves away the criticism.

"Why use an offensive word when you yourself are disabled?" The white horse asks.

"Self deprecating humour. It's a type of joke, the person telling the joke makes fun of themself for others to laugh at." Star explains.

"Look a' you mister freak ou' being all chil 'n' shi'." Chav chuckles.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up. I'll get you back." Star smirks.

"Obviously, I'm no' expecting a free jab." Chav says with a wink.

Star smiles and shakes his head.

"So, where is AppleJack?" Chav asks.

"Ya'll can talk?" A feminine voice with a southern accent asks in a surprised tone.

"Yep." Chav answers as he turns towards the voice to see the orange pony that was running at him earlier.

"Celestia, what are they and why did they attack mah farm?" The orange pony asks.

"Well, I don't know what they are nor do I know why they attacked your farm, that's why we're going to go discuss their mission over a lunch at Sugarcube Corner." The white horse explains.

"Oh, so you're Celestia. I'm guessing your AppleJack then?" Chav asks as he points at the orange pony.

"Yer lucky I don't just kick ya outta here. Yes, I'm AppleJack." The orange pony answers with a glare.

"Ya ran a' Megalodon, I sure as hell ain' gonna le' ya hi' her." Chav answers with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Ya scared the apples outta mah family, I wan't ya'll ta apologise to them. If you're going ta discuss stuff over a lunch then ya can do it here. So ya can say sorry ta mah brother." AppleJack says.

"I'm down with tha', wha' do you guys think?" Chav asks.

"Sure, whatever." Star answers with a sigh.

"I guess it's unanimous. We're going to AppleJack's home." Celestia says with a smile.

AppleJack mumbles something to herself before leading the group to the farmhouse.

"Who are ya friends?" An elderly yellowy green horse asks.

"I'm Chav and he's Star, pleasure ta meet ya." Chav says as he bows in front of the elderly horse.

"Now, now. No need to be so formal. Ya'll are friends of AppleJack's ya'll are friends of the family." The elderly horse giggles.

"I wouldn' really say we're friends, more like I blew up a bi' of your garden and I'm here ta apologise. Bu' yeah, we're friends." Chav says with a smirk.

"Um, what?" The elderly horse asks with a look of shock on her face.

"It doesn't matter right now Granny Smith, I'll explain later." AppleJack says as she leads the elderly horse out of the dinning room.

"Right, let's get down to buisness." Celestia says as the group sit around a table in the centre of the room. 


	4. Chapter 4

A small yellow pony with a red mane runs into the room crying.

"Apple Bloom? What's wrong?" AppleJack asks the little pony.

"Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were bullyin' us again." The little pony says between tears.

"Bullyin' ya say?" Chav asks.

The little pony looks up at Chav and a look of fear spreads across her face.

"Hey, hey. It's a'ight I'm no' gonna hur' ya." Chav says in a calming voice.

The little ponies look of fear weakens a little.

"Y-Yeah, they do it all tha time." The little pony whimpers.

"Ya name's Apple Bloom righ'?" Chav asks.

"Y-Yeah." The little pony answers with a sniffle.

"Ya wan' me ta ge' rid of ya bullies for ya?" Chav asks.

"You'd do that for me?" Apple Bloom asks back.

"Yeah, I upse' ya sister and I need ta make her happy again. I'll ge' rid of ya bullies if ya sister'll forgive me." Chav offers.

Apple Bloom looks into her sisters eyes and lets out a sniffle.

"Alright, fine. I'll firgive ya if you stop the bullyin'." AppleJack says followed by a sigh.

"Alrigh' then, le's ge' this shi' done." Chav says with a nod and a smile. "Take me ta tha bullies and I'll make 'em stop."

Apple Bloom then grabs Chav's hand with her mouth and leads him out of the house.

"Ew, she just put his hand in her mouth." Star says with a grimace.

"What else are we supposed to use to grab his 'hand'?" AppleJack sarcastically asks.

"Okay, you got me there." Star sighs in defeat.

"Hopefully this whole Diamond Tiara thing will all be over now." AppleJack mumbles as she stares at the table.

"Chav won't let you down, he will stop the bullying. They told him he couldn't build Megalodon and now look. There's a huge mismatch of a tank outside and boy is it something." Star chuckles.

"Shall we go check on how they're doing?" Celestia asks.

"Can do." Star answers.

AppleJack nods out a yes.

"Okay, here we go." Celestia says as her horn glows.

A bright flash blinds the group and a warm feeling spreads across their bodies.

"Oh god that was bright." Star says as he rubs his eyes.

"Where are we?" AppleJack asks.

Celestia points behind the group. Behind them Megalodon is driving away from them, swerving from side to side.

"We need to get in there! Who know's what he's doing to mah li'l sister!" AppleJack shouts as she chases after the tank.

Star and Celestia look at eachother before joining AppleJack in chasing after the tank. Celestia's horn starts to glow and she then dissapears from Star's sight.

"Damn, I wish I could teleport." Star groans as runs after the tank.

Star runs fast enough to catch up to the smaller AppleJack in time for them both to climb up the back of the slow moving tank.

"How are you grabbing on?" Star asks.

"No idea." AppleJack grunts out as she pulls herself up.

Star then pulls himself up and towards the turrets hatch. Star then throws open the hatch and falls into the turret compartment.

"Mother fucker!" Star shouts as he lands on his face.

"No' as easy as i' looks ta climb in is i'?" Chav laughs.

"Screw you, what are you doing and why are you using Megalodon?" Star asks with a growl.

"Apple Bloom here is drivin' us ta where Diamon' Tiara lives so I can talk to 'er." Chav explains.

Chav then leans to the side, revealing Apple Bloom with her hooves on the controls.

"Oh, you guys are coming too?" Apple Bloom asks.

"Oh, no, we just wanted to check up on you two." Star explains.

"You do realise tha' we're in Megalodon righ'? We're impenetrable and we have a gun big enough ta destroy a house." Chav points out.

"We didn't look outside to check." Celestia chimes in.

"Lis'en, I have this covered. You guys go back an' finish the talks with Star. He'll fill in all of tha details to me la'er." Chav says with a sigh.

AppleJack then stumbles into the turret.

"It's okay AppleJack, they're just going to go see Diamond Tiara." Star explains to AppleJack.

"You're just gonna trust him with my li'l sister? A creature I know nothin' about?" AppleJack asks with a glare.

"I trust them AppleJack, let them sort it out and I'm sure everything will be fine." Celestia says.

"You're lucky Princess Celestia trusts you, I don't trust ya at all." AppleJack says with a grumble.

"We're in here, nothing is going to hurt her AppleJack, trust me. Remember, they'll have to get through me as well." Chav says with a smirk and a wink.

"Don't wink at me." AppleJack deadpans.

"Good luck with your journey Apple Bloom and Chav, don't let us down." Celestia says with a happy smile.

"I won' le' ya down." Chav says in a serious tone.

Celestia nods her head before teleporting her and the other two out of the tank.

"Thanks for letting me drive Mr. Chav." Apple Bloom says happily.

"Jus' call me Chav and no problem a' all. So, where are we going again?" Chav asks.

"Well, I hope ya don't mind but I need to meet a friend in the forest. Can we go there first?" Apple Bloom asks with puppy dog eyes.

"Of course, I'm fine with tha'." Chav answers with a smile.

"I guess it's time to leave Megalodon behind." Apple Bloom sighs sadly as she lets go of the controls.

"Jus' drive over the trees, I'm sure i' 'ill be fine." Chav says as he pets Apple Blooms mane.

Apple Bloom smiles happily as she grabs the controls again and proceeds to drive through the forest.

"So, how far till we ge' to ya friend?" Chav asks.

"Not far, she isn't that deep into the forest." Apple Bloom explains.

"You go' i'." Chav says as he flicks on the radio on the tank.

Music starts to play through the radio and Chav relaxes in his seat.

"You have a radio in here?" Apple Bloom asks.

"Yeah, I pu' i' in meself." Chav answers.

"These songs sound weird." Apple Bloom mumbles.

"Even ta the people where I'm from i' sounds a bi' weird." Chav chuckles.

"Huh, I kinda like it." Apple Bloom says with a smile.

"I'm glad ta hear i'." Chav smiles.

The tank comes to a halt with a crunch.

"What was that?" Apple Bloom asks.

"Tha' was tha gearbox breakin'." Chav groans.

"I broke it?" Apple Bloom asks.

"Yeah, bu' i's fine, I'll jus' fix i' la'er." Chav says as he picks up Apple Bloom before placing her next to the hatch of the turret.

"I'm really sorry for breaking your tank Chav." Apple Bloom says sadly.

"I's fine, don' worry abou' i'." Chav chuckles.

Chav then grabs a weapon from a compartment to his left.

"What's that?" Apple Bloom asks.

"This is a sho'gun, i's like the gun on my tank bu' smaller." Chav explains.

"Really?" Apple Bloom asks.

"I mean, in a way, yeah, i's like tha'." Chav says with a shrug his shoulders.

Chav then climbs out of the turret of the tank with Apple Bloom following right behind him. Chav then climbs off of the hull, a few seconds later Apple Bloom then drops down onto his right shoulder.

"Ya ready ta go?" Chav asks.

Apple Bloom nods. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Why does ya friend in a forest?" Chav asks.

"She makes potions and stuff, it's where she gets all of her stuff so she lives here." Apple Bloom explains.

"No' a bad reason ta live 'ere I guess." Chav thinks out loud.

A deep growl rumbles from a bush to the side of the pair.

"Timberwolf!" Apple Bloom squeaks as she hides behind Chavs legs.

"Where the hell is your back half? Did i' jus' dissapear or somethin? There's no way you're small enough ta hide behind one of ma legs like tha'." Chav asks as he looks between his legs at Apple Bloom.

"It's right here, see?" Apple Bloom says as her rear end peaks peeks around the back of Chav's leg.

"I'm no' even gonna ask. Righ, I haven' had a figh' with a dog in a while. Le's ge' this over an' done with." Chav says as he gives the shotgun to Apple Bloom.

"What are you doing?" Apple Bloom asks.

"I'm gonna bea' tha' dog's ass with ma bare hands." Chav answers with a smirk.

"You really don't want to do that." Apple Bloom squeaks.

"I's fine, jus' leave i' ta me." Chav answers as he stretchs the muscles in his arm.

The timberwolf in the bush slowly steps out.

"I's a dog made of wood?" Chav asks.

"Yeah, a timberwolf." Apple Bloom says, emphasising the timber in timberwolf.

"I didn' know ya mean' a literal wolf made of timber." Chav says with a shrug.

The wolf then jumps at Chav and bites into his arm.

"I' maybe made of wood bu' i's bites still don' 'urt." Chav chuckles.

"Doesn't hurt?! It's biting you!" Apple Bloom shouts in panic.

"I 'ave a dog back home, i' attacks me all the time, I'm used ta dog bites." Chav laughs.

"You should still be in pain!" Apple Bloom points out.

"Ah well." Chav says as he pets the wolfs head.

The wolf lets go of Chavs hand and starts to lick it.

"What's happening?" Apple Bloom asks.

"I have no fuckin' idea." Chav chuckles.

The wolf sits in front of Chav and starts to wag its tail.

"Why is it being so friendly?" Apple Bloom asks.

"No idea, let's jus' ge' ou' of here." Chav answers as he leads Apple Bloom away from the wolf.

The timberwolf follows the pair, happily wagging its tail.

"It's following us." Apple Bloom says as she walks ahead of Chav.

"Yep." Chav replies.

The timberwolf starts to walk alongside of Chav, it's tongue lolling out of it's mouth.

"What did you do to it?" Apple Bloom asks.

"No idea, i's on our side apparently so I'm no' abou' ta complain." Chav answers as he pets the Timberwolf. "I can tell i's making you uncomfortable. You wanna sit on my shoulders so he can't reach you?" Chav asks.

"Yes, please." Apple Bloom answers nervously.

Chav then picks up Apple Bloom and puts her on his shoulders.

"Thank you." Apple Bloom says happily. "Why are you being so kind to me Chav?"

"I'm being kind ta ya 'coz I miss ma nephews and niece. I guess ya could say i's the uncle inside of me tha' makes me want ta protect ya." Chav explains.

"Chav?" Apple Bloom asks.

"Yeah?" Chav asks back.

"Can I call you 'uncle Chav'?" Apple Bloom asks.

"Jeez, you guys are real quick ta be all friendly." Chav chuckles. "Sure, ya can call me 'uncle Chav'." Chav smirks.

"After the whole Zecora insident everyone is more welcoming and kinder. I'm just trying to help you feel a bit more at home." Apple Bloom explains.

"Sounds intresting, you can tell me abou' i' later." Chav says happily.

"I'll make sure to remember to tell you it." Apple Bloom says with a smile.

"So, what are you and Chav doing here?" Celestia asks as she takes a sip of her cup of tea.

"Someone is meant to be paying us to see what's on the otherside of the portal we entered through, turns out that the portal wasn't a big fan of us and closed itself behind us." Star explains.

"Is that why you where driving those metal things?" Celestia asks.

"Kind of. We're tank mercenaries. People pay us to do jobs, we arrive in our tanks, do what they ask then collect our pay." Star explains.

"What if we were to offer you a job? We could pay you and you would become heroes." Celestia offers.

"Then we'd have to accept of course." Star answers.

"There's a villain we need subdued. Can you do it?" Celestia asks.

"Dead or alive?" Star asks.

"Dead? Why would you ever kill somepony?" Celestia asks.

"We'll try to subdue them. If it comes to it you have to understand that we will have to kill them." Star explains.

"Yeah... Avoid that as much as possible. I will understand if you have to but please try your hardest to get them here alive." Celestia sighs sadly.

Star reaches over and pats Celestia on the shoulder.

"I promise that we'll do whatever we can to get them here alive." Star says confidently.

"B1,000,000 if you bring them back alive, B500,000 if you have to kill them." Celestia offers.

"Include a large hidden secret base and you have a deal." Star says as he holds his hand out.

"Deal." Celestia smiles as she shakes Stars hand.

"Looks like we just have to wait for Chav." Star sighs.

=============== 2 hours later ==============

"This tank is a lot more cramped with the wolf in here." Chav groans as Apple Bloom drives back to the orchard.

The tank comes to a stop and the trio climb out of the tank.

"Come on! Let's tell AppleJack the great news." Apple Bloom says excitedly as she sprints towards the farmhouse.

Chav runs after Apple Bloom followed closely by the timberwolf. Apple Bloom then bursts into the house shouting excitedly. Chav and the wolf then slow down to a walk and follow her inside.

"What do you mean Uncle Chav has to go?" Apple Bloom asks.

"Uncle Chav? Why are you calling him that?" AppleJack asks.

"Doesn't matter, why does he have to go?" Apple Bloom asks.

"They're going to be helping deal with the Hydra in the forest. It's been coming out of the forest and chasing ponies. It's become a huge problem." AppleJack explains.

"A Hydra?" Chav asks as he enters the room. 


	6. Chapter 6

"Dude, I go'a know. If we're heroes do we ge' girls?" Chav asks over the radio.

"Probably, I don't know." Star sighs his answer.

"I ge' ta extend my collection." Chav says in a voice that gives away his smirk.

"Oh god, not your collection." Star groans.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You never actually saw the collection did you?" Chav asks.

"No, I told you I didn't want to see the porn you have from all of the different places we've been." Star answers.

"It's no' porn, it's pics of all the families we me' along our journeys." Chav says happily into the radio.

"All of them?" Star asks.

"Every single one." Chav answers with a smile.

"Pull over." Star commands as he parks his T110E5.

Chav then pulls over and parks in front of Star.

"Wha' is i'?" Chav asks as he climbs out of his tank and to the floor.

"You said all of them right?" Star asks.

"Yes, all of them." Chav repeats.

"Even Curie?" Star asks.

Chav then holds out a picture in his hand. Star takes the picture and looks at it. A picture of a woman with short brown hair wearing a checkered shirt and jeans. On the picture the words "Mon amour xoxo" in lipstick with the word "Star" writen underneath it.

"She took this for me? Why did you have it?" Star asks.

"You know we'll never see her again, I didn' want you ta ge' all depressed." Chav answers.

"I'll be fine. Thanks for looking after this picture for me." Star says with a happy smile.

"All of the pictures are similar to that. Some say 'Thanks for everything!' and have a family in the background and others have confessions on them like that one." Chav explains.

"You even have one of Scalet Clawhanson?" Star asks.

"You know that's no' 'er name." Chav chuckles. "Scales was my 'Curie'. Of course she gave me a pic. I have no idea how she did i' bu' she did."

Chav then hands Star another picture, this time when Star looks at it he sees a large black reptilian creature with long sharp claws and white eyes, she's wearing a large really odd looking red miniskirt and a blue, ripped and stretched vault suit. On the picture under her arm is the words "RAWR X3".

"I hated the way she wrote, it was... I don't even wanna say the word." Star chuckles.

"I was the same for a while bu' i' grew on me, i' started to become cu'e ta me. Probably because she did it." Chav chuckles in return.

"You really liked her huh?" Star asks.

"Yeah... Who'd have though'. Neither of us wan'ed a human." Chav smiles.

"Curie's a human." Star argued.

"Synth's are robots, I'm righ', you're wrong." Chav replies with a smirk.

"You know what I meant." Star groans. "I meant she looked human."

"Yeah, yeah. Chav is righ' again." Chav grins.

"Wha'ever. Can we just get back to the road? I got what I wanted." Star says as he hands Chav the picture of "Scales" back.

Chav takes the picture and climbs back up his tank, star doing the same.

"Yo Star, any idea where our friend is?" Chav asks over the radio.

"Near some lake or something, they said it would be in the forest." Star answers.

Chav then turns to the right and into the forest.

"You're going to destroy the trees you idiot." Star growls into the radio.

"Oh no! The poor trees! Le' me ge' ou' really quick and help them back up." Chav sarcastically replies.

"Asshole." Star grumbles.

"Wha' was tha'? I couldn't hear you over my fucks migrating away for the summer." Chav says in a voice that gave away his grin.

"That was a new one, I've never actually heard of that one." Star mumbles to himself.

"I'm just so cool, big AND strong that I can come up with stuff like tha' on the spot." Chav chuckles.

"No you're not, you're not cool." Star sighs.

"Sorry can' hear you, my cool is too loud." Chav replies.

"God damn it." Star groans.

"You mean 'Chav damn i' '." Chav laughs.

Star let out a sigh so strong that it melted the fabric of space and time, destroying all known things in the universe. Or... Just enough to kill the bug on his turret.

"JERRY! You sick monster!" Chav shouts into the radio.

"Jerry? Who's Jerry?" Star asks.

"The poor, defenceless, handsome, ha' wearing, spider tha' was on your turre'." Chav sniffles.

"I feel bad, I really wanted to see a hat wearing spider." Star mumbles.

"Daddy? Are you there?" A high pitched voice asks into the radio.

"I'm sorry swee'ie, daddy is no' coming back." Chav whimpers into the mic.

"I feel like a douchebag for killing a spider..." Star grumbles.

"Come here swee'ie." Chav mumbles.

The sound of rustling can be heard coming from 'Megalodon'.

"Will you look after me until daddy gets back?" The high pitched voice asks.

"Of course I will, I'll make up for wha' happened ta ya dad." Chav sighs.

"Don't tell her, don't do it." Star says into the radio.

"I won', she doesn' need ta know about your 'mistake'." Chav spits into the radio.

"I'm gonna say nothing that involves this." Star mumbles to himself.

"Come on swee'ie, le's ge' this finished then we can ge' some ice cream with flies in i'." Chav says happily.

"Yes... Mr. Chav..." The high pitched voice sniffles.

"Just call me Chav, no need for the mister." Chav says happily.

"Can I call you... Spider Daddy?" The high pitched voice asks.

"I mean, sure, I guess. No' a fan of being called Daddy..." Chav mumbles to himself.

"I just cracked my fingers and it hurt A LOT, I think I might have broken them." Star whimpers into the radio.

"Stop it." Chav says into the radio.

"No Chav, you can't stop me." Star argues as he cracks his fingers again.

"I have no sympathy for you." Chav sighs. 


	7. Chapter 7

As the pair travel deeper into the forest they come across a swamp, murky green, stagnent water sits coated in a green ooze.

"Is this the place?" Chav asks as the pair come to a stop near the waters edge.

"Yeah, this is it. This is where AppleJack said she met it even though Celestia said it would be near a river. Be ready anyway, who knows who's right." Star says through the radio.

Chav turns his turret to look around while keeping the tanks hull in place.

"I'm abou' ta ge' me a shi' ton of money." Chav says excitedly.

A few seconds later a loud growl comes from the centre of the swamp. After the growl stops four large yellow heads peek through the scum and muck of the swamp water.

"You ready for shi' ta ge' real?" Chav asks.

"As ready as I'm going to be." Star answers.

The creature then starts to rise out of the water, it's entire length coming to an amazing 35ft tall.

"A nice big easy targe' for me ta hi'." Chav grins.

"Aim for it's legs, if we get rid of its legs then it will be easier to capture." Star points out.

The large yellow creature then steps out of the swamp water and onto the surrounding dirt.

"Ready ta fire." Chav says through the radio.

"FIRE!" Star shouts.

Chav then aims his tanks gun between the hydra's legs and pulls the trigger. The explosion is large enough to blow both of the creatures legs off, causing it to fall onto it's back with a screech of pain.

"Wha' are we mean' ta do now?" Chav asks as the radio lets out a crackle.

"Celestia said she'd be watching, she'll be here in a second I guess." Star explains.

"I did say that, yes." Celestia says from behind Star.

Star lets out a high pitched scream of terror.

"Oops, sorry." Celestia giggles.

"Jesus Christ, you scared the dignity out of me." Star pants as he holds his chest.

"Tha' was amazing. I'm glad I got ta hear ya shi' yaself." Chav laughs.

"Shut up." Star grumbles.

"I see that you managed to not kill our little problem here." Celestia says as she spawns in two large sacks of gold coins.

"What are these?" Star asks.

"B500,000 for you both." Celestia answers happily.

"Right... Oh! B1,000,000 between us! Got it." Star says as a wave of realisation hits him.

"Wha' abou' our base? We need some where ta rest and I need a place ta work on our tanks." Chav points out.

"It's not finished but it's built enough for what you need it for." Celestia answers.

"Do we have a place to store our food and water?" Star asks.

"Not yet, that's what we're finishing. Don't worry I saw the bags of food in your tank before you left." Celestia explains.

"Wow, you fuckers are quick if you can bea' us ta our tanks." Chav chuckles.

"Well, we can teleport." Celestia points out.

"True, ya know, you should tell me abou' i' over dinner." Chav offers in a voice that gave away his smile.

"Oh my god..." Star mumbles as he rubs his face with his hands.

"Sure, you could tell me a little about where your from and how... Relationships work there." Celestia says happily.

"Really?" Chav asks excitedly.

"No, sorry." Celestia giggles.

"Can't blame a guy for trying." Chav says with a shrug of his shoulders.

"We've been here for less then a full day and you're already flirting with Celestia..." Star groans.

"I'm sorry I must be going, the base entrance is next to the Apple family farmhouse. Apple Bloom said she'd take you to it so you should go meet her at the farmhouse. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of your times. here and if you need any help don't forget to ask." Celestia says as she bows her head before teleporting away.

"Well then, le's head back ta the farmhouse I guess." Chav says to Star.

As the two look back towards the large yellow creature they see a group of white horned in gold armour gathering around the hydra.

============ 1 hour later ===========

The pair park their tanks outside of the Apple family farmhouse and knock on the front door. The door opens revealing an excited Apple Bloom.

"You're finally here! Let's go!" Apple Bloom excitedly shouts as she bites onto Chavs hand and drags him back towards the tanks.

"Back to the tanks I guess." Star sighs before turning and following the pair back towards the tanks.

"Can I drive?" Apple Bloom asks Chav.

"Sure, go ahead." Chav answers as he lifts Apple Bloom up onto Megalodon's hull.

Chav then climbs into Megalodon and Star into his T110E5. Chav then sits down in his seat and gets comfortable before letting Apple Bloom sit on his lap.

Chav and Star then both starts their tanks engines, Apple Bloom then steers 'Megalodon' towards a grass field across a dirt road from the Apple family farmhouse.

"All we have to do is park one of the tanks on that small patch of dirt." Apple Bloom explains as she points to a 3ft square patch of dirt that had been cut out of the grass.

Apple Bloom then steers 'Megalodon' onto the patch of dirt and Chav lets go of the gas, parking the tank on top of the dirt patch. As they do so the ground lets out a hiss and steam bursts through a seam in the ground.

"Woah, this looks like it's gonna be amazing." Star says into the radio.

"Ya fuckin' righ' i's gonna be amazing." Chav laughs.

A large 40ft square area of grass then slides out of revealing a concrete room beneath.

"A garage!" Chav says excitedly.

"Nice, somewhere to park the tanks." Star says with a happy smile.

"There's a lot more in there, lets go look!" Apple Bloom giggles excitedly.

The trio then drive into the concrete room and see that, not just is it 40ft wide it's also 30ft long.

"This is perfect." Chav mumbles.

"Yeah it is." Star agrees with a nod.

A white door sits against the grey concrete walls. In front of the door stands a blue pony with a white mane, wearing a red miniskirt and a blue shirt with gold trims.

The trio park up their tanks before exiting them and approaching the blue pony.

"Yo, so... Celestia never told us there'd be someone wai'ing here for us." Chav says as he awkwardly rubs his left forearm with his right hand.

"I was told that a 'Chav' was going to be here and that he was going to take me on a date, that's what Celestia told me anyway." The blue pony mumbles in a very feminine voice.

Chav then notices something about the pony. It's muzzle is squarer then the others he'd met so far.

"I don' wanna seem rude but are ya like a differen' species of pony or something? You have a different look ta the others we've me'. Your face is more... Square. The others all had the same face shape. No intend to offend, my friend." Chav asks.

"Hmm? Oh! *Giggles* the reason my face is squarer is because I'm a stallion." The blue pony giggles in his.

"Oh fuck, my fucking... holy shit... I can' even..." Chav mumbles as he starts to sweat.

"Oh, do I make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry, I'll... I'll leave..." The blue pony whimpers.

"Trust me, it's not what you think. He won't want you to leave." Star chuckles.

"Huh?" The blue pony asks.

"In our world you're what's known as a trap. A male that dresses and acts like a female. Chav here LOVES traps." Star explains.

"Oh!" The blue pony giggles. "It's nice to see someone can like someone like me."

"Oh god my hear'." Chav pants out as he wipes the sweat from his forehead.

"After your little friend has shown you around I'll be ready for that date." The blue pony says to Chav with a wink before walking out of the concrete room and through the white door.

"Star... Have I died and gone ta heaven?" Chav asks.

"No, you'd never stand a chance of making it to heaven." Star smirks.

"Shit, then hell ain' so bad." Chav smiles happily. 


End file.
